Harry's Roses
by Tadpoleinateacup
Summary: Harry recieves a rose for every holiday and finally when he doesn't recieve one his world crumbles unexpectedly. That is... until it finally arrives and takes him on an unepected journey on rememberance. rated T for mentions of death and future 'love'.


_**Everyone who died in the books is dead except Remus because I need him!**_

_**This totally sucks…. I know that… but I had the idea and started it and then I got a page qaway from the end and decided I hated it… but I was so close to finishing that I had to complete it and post it. So no flames for it being terrible because trust me…. I KNOW! lol **_

_**J.K. owns all the things!**_

Harry's Roses

Harry rarely received presents, especially as he grew up. The Dursley's didn't want to waste money on their freaky nephew. But when Harry turned six he received his first truly beautiful present.

He couldn't figure out where it had come from, but when he woke up next to his head on the nights stand lay a single red rose.

There was no note… there never was.

He had picked it up between his pale delicate fingers and pressed it to his small nose and breathed in the deep rich sent. It was a beautiful gift and when he was alone in his room he would gaze at it until it was so wilted it crumbled at the slightest touch.

He couldn't wait to wake up on a holiday and see the precious rose at his head. It was a bright spot in his otherwise dim life. It was a constant that he cherished, He was guaranteed this small gift every holiday form the age of six until now…

The war had been over for two years exactly and the Wizarding World had declared the day a holiday to remember all those who had given up their lives for the cause. The first anniversary of the day he had not expected a rose. Even though the day was an actual holiday he just assumed he wouldn't receive one that day. However he had been pleasantly surprised. He awoke to the custom Rose and still no note. He would have investigated it then… but as an anniversary of the war he was to be given an award and do a speech and like all the other times his precious gift and its mysterious giver had been pushed to the side.

The next year on the eve of the war remembrance he went to sleep with a smile on his face knowing that when he woke up there would be a rose waiting for him.

It was safe to say that he was disappointed that when he woke he had been wrong and a rose was not waiting for him. So far the one and only constant in his life was suddenly no longer a constant. In fact… he was more than just disappointed, he was heartbroken.

He had always wondered who sent the roses but there had always just been something more important to worry about. When he was younger it had been when his next meal would be and whether or not to duck when his uncle came near. Once he had gone to Hogwarts it had been who is going to try to kill me this year? But now… he didn't have anything keeping him back. But now it just seemed frightening.

He knew it was silly to be frightened of finding the one person who had consistently been kind to him since he was young… but a part of him was almost bitter that suddenly they no longer cared? Maybe they were dead? There was just too long a list of reasons to not go after the mysterious person.

And yet… the thought that he would no longer get a rose on the holidays was distressing. He rolled over away from his nightstand and curled up into a ball. He honestly didn't have time to be upset he had to get up and prepare for the party this evening that again he had to make a speech at, but he couldn't bear the thought of leaving his bed. He couldn't bear the thought of rolling over again and seeing that it wasn't there.

Suddenly he found himself crying. He had defeated Voldemort and yet he was crying over a forgotten flower. But he couldn't stop himself. He cried until again he fell asleep, he slept so long and deep he didn't even hear Hermione calling for him to come and get going or he would be late. He didn't hear Ron in the floo wondering why he hadn't shown yet and he didn't hear McGonagall asking why he hadn't shown at all. He just slept through all the calls until the day was almost gone.

At 11:00pm he finally woke up. He rolled over momentarily forgetting everything in his sleepy haze. But suddenly he was wide awake and remembered everything.

There on his nightstand was a single red… _rose_. He picked it up as if it would vanish and delicately ran his fingers up the long smooth stem. His fingers stopped as they ran along paper.

This time… for the first time there was a note attached to the rose. On a tiny folded square of parchment were the words…

_You were not at the dinner?_

_Maybe it will be better this way._

_Go to the place where your journey began Harry. _

_Something will be waiting for you there._

Harry wasn't sure exactly what that meant but he couldn't _not_ go. Years of investigating the strange events at Hogwarts had not made his curiosity any weaker. They had really only made it worse, especially from being proven right so frequently.

With a small smile and one last glance at his rose he stood up and pulled on some trousers, his shoes and a jacket. Then _pop!_ He was gone and standing in front of his parents' home in Godric's Hollow. He gave a sad smile as he looked up at the building that had once been his home. He could have grown up here… had real parents and a normal life. He could picture all of it. His dads proud face as he saw Harry practice his flying skills. He could see his mother ruffling his hair and kissing his forehead before he could run out the door to go meet his friends.

It was an existence that he wished he could have had… and yet, it was almost better the way it was. Of course he was lonely and sometimes bitter. But honestly he knew his reality could never have happened whether his parents had lived or not. Voldemort would have just gotten more powerful and dangerous. It wouldn't have been like that and Harry was happy he could say that he knew for a fact, from personal experience that Voldemort would never again come back.

He smiled somewhat sadly at the house as he ran his fingers over the wooden fence and the sign popped up with all the little notes on it. He read each one just as he had done two years ago when he was on his quest for horcrux's. There were more of the same. Little notes that said they were happy he had killed Voldemort and his parents would be proud of him. But, as he ran his fingers over the side he felt something attached to the back. He reached around and there again was another rose with another note.

_You have until midnight to find all the others._

_You must no go to the place where you received your first 'real gift'._

_Don't be frightened they are well into their sleep by now._

_Find the one place you felt peace there._

With another turn and a pop Harry apparated right in front of number four Privet Drive. He hated this place it held such terrible memories. In reality it had never been his home. A home was where people loved you… this was a prison. A place he was forced to live. He knew it had to be done, it had been necessary… but it didn't make the pain any less terrible. He gave a shaky sigh that held tears in it.

He scowled at the house and walked around back. The only place he had ever found peace in that home was the back yard under the oak tree. He walked over to the tree slowly not even bothering to be quiet he didn't care if the Dursley's saw him. He bent down and saw leaning against the rough bark was another rose. He picked it up and sat down under the tree as he had done countless times in his past.

He sat there and stared up at the horrid house for long minutes as all the memories flooded his head. And when it was done he found he felt better. It was a surprising feeling to encounter about this house and the people in it. He honestly just felt relived he never again had to live there. He was accepting that it had happened and in fact had made him stronger, more willing and determined to do whatever was necessary to kill Voldemort and as he finally looked down at the letter he smiled a little bit at the somehow comforting thought.

_Go to where the journey to save two lives at once_

_began._

Harry actually had to think for a moment. He wasn't sure of this one but he took a wild guess and instead of apparateing he just began walking.

Just down the street before his third year he had seen the 'grim' for the first time and it was the beginning of his adventure to find and save Sirius…but he had also saved Buckbeak. _'If you succeed two lives could be spared'. _Those had been Dumbledore's words. So Harry assumed that what the rose was referring to. He was also getting increasingly more anxious to know who these were all from. Who knew him so well and for so long? Ron and Hermione knew about all of these things, but neither had known him since he was six.

He let out a whoosh of air. Whoever they were they knew exactly what would make him the most emotional. This was the first place he had ever seen his godfather. Sirius… he really missed the man. He wanted so badly to see him again and know that he was looking out for him and that he was proud.

He felt a sob reach his throat and found himself actually let it surface. He had seen and remembered all too much tonight and this was just another one of those. He let tears roll down his face. He let himself making tiny sobs as he starred at the spot he had seen Sirius. He clutched his chest. Right over his heart, his hand balling up his t-shirt above his pounding heart. He hung his head a sniffled. Sirius was going to be his father figure. He _had_ been his father figure for a few years. He had looked to him for advice and help… comfort. It had been his chance for a family and again it was snatched viciously from him. He couldn't shake the tears.

He wanted Sirius back so desperately. He needed a solid family… but fate was cruel to him, it almost always had been.

He shuddered and took a deep breath. He wiped the tears away and sighed deeply. He took another deep breath in through his mouth and let it out slowly. He had grieved for Sirius enough. But something about this felt different. It was like he was accepting it truly for the first time. He got to do this alone and in an actual spot he had seen Sirius. It felt oddly good and although he was still upset a little weight was lifted.

He finally looked around near the ground where the 'grim' had first appeared and sure enough there was a rose.

_I miss him too._

_You're half way done and I promise this has a purpose._

_In the end my only fear is that you will be disappointed in who you find._

_Alas, you must visit the man who still knows it all._

So the person knew Sirius well enough to miss him as much Harry did. That left a very short list since most didn't know he was innocent. And they were apparently shy because they didn't think Harry would like them once he saw them.

Anyway, again he wasn't sure about the place of this one either but he took another guess and apparated away.

He landed in front of the Hogwarts gates that by now knew him so well he didn't even have to touch them. He walked through with a slow paced walk. This was his home, even if he no longer lived here this was the first place he had felt truly happy and loved. This was the place he had made his first friends and where he had lost them. This was where he had discovered a family. This is where the one man who believed in him even after death had perished. And this is where he had fulfilled his destiny.

He walked over to the one wisest man he had ever known. He laid a hand on the grave of Albus Dumbledore and let a tear trickle down as he ran his fingers along its smooth surface. He was angry he had ever doubted Dumbledore. How could he have thought he knew so much better than he did. He was furious with himself that he had doubted. He was angry he had doubted after the man had died, the one man who above all other had always _believed_ in _him. _He squeezed his hands until his nails bit into his skin and then quickly unclenched them.

"I'm sorry I was so stupid Albus… but of course you know that don't you? You know everything; even after death you are still smarter than all of us." He smiled to himself and leaned forward resting his forehead on the cool stone. He breathed deeply and felt a warm breeze ruffle his hair lightly in a gentle caress. He knew it was Dumbledore saying he understood and was grateful.

Harry stood up and smiled at the stone again before walking down to the head of the stone. There lay another rose.

_It must feel like I'm just digging up terrible moments,_

_but I promise when it's explained you'll see why this was all necessary._

_You only have one more before the final rose._

_Go to the place where you discovered the true identity of your greatest protector._

Harry let out a sob. These notes really were trying to take him to the most emotional places. He didn't want to go back there. He didn't want to see the place where he had watched the one man he had always hated die. He didn't want to go back and face the horror of the fact that he had hated the one man he could always have trusted till the very end.

Severus Snape.

With a little sob and a twist he was in the shrieking shack. He walked up the stairs to the place where Snape had fallen and looked down at the floor boards. He felt sick. He could still see the stain of all the blood that had come from the man's neck.

He fell to his knees with a dull thud as he picked up the last rose. He clutched it to his chest as he thought back on all the horrible things he had said about Severus…all the lies the man had told just to keep him safe. Snape had killed the only man that trusted him because it would keep Harry safe just a little longer.

He let himself grieve as he hadn't yet really gotten the chance to do for a few long minutes before opening up the last note.

_Whether you know it or not you have achieved what this little mission was all about._

_You only need to go the park across from number 12._

Harry hiccupped a little and stood. He starred at the spot where his protector had last lied and shook his head. "You better be keeping Dumbledore in check up there. You hear me? And we have a lot to talk about Snape. You better have some very good snide remarks for me." He actually felt himself smile. Even though really Snape had died with Harry hating him… he knew it was forgiven. It had all been an act. Snape needed Harry to hate him for everyone to stay safe. Harry snickered to himself, if Snape thought that would let him off once Harry saw him again in Heaven or wherever it was Wizards ended up the man had another thing coming.

He felt a very cold, very sudden sharp sting of wind. It was Snape… just like it had been Dumbledore telling him to watch what he said.

He smirked and popped away for the last rose.

He stood in the tiny park that he knew was only a few yards away from number 12. He didn't really want to think about it now though. He disliked that place strongly. He didn't want to go back until he found the time to remodel it.

He shook his head and glanced at this watch. It was 11:55. He had finished before midnight. He wondered what would happen next.

He looked around a little for a rose but he didn't find it. He assumed it would be delivered by his secret ... friend? Admirer? He wasn't sure what to expect. And he didn't know if he had to wait until midnight to find out. He decided five minutes was not a long time at all to wait and sat down in the soft grass.

He thought back on all the places he had re-visited. They all brought back such sad memories and yet. It was a relief. It was a luxury he had never been able to afford before. There had always just been something more pressing to worry about. The home he had been born in he now had reminisced and accepted. The Dursley's… he had forgiven and forgotten. Sirius… he had grieved and wished. Dumbledore… he apologized and thanked. And… Severus, he wept and apologized and even joked at like he had never before been able to do. He felt surprisingly good. He felt … happy. He had been dreading most of this day. He had been dreading all the conversation about it. He would talk to people and they would be sympathetic… but they didn't know… not really. But this… this felt like a better use of the war anniversary for him. A chance to remember and grieve… let it all sink in and let it all out in a healthy pretty much un-timed manner.

He looked up at the inky black sky and smiled. Then he glanced down at his watch… just as it struck midnight. He stood up and POP! About three yards away stood a man with his back to Harry. He was straightening his clothes and hair. Harry knew this person… he had to. The man was soooo familiar but it was dark, and the man was partly shaded by trees. Finally he turned around and Harry was shocked.

"Remus? It was you all these years? You're the one who has been sending me those flowers? You're the one who…." Harry didn't even know what else to say. He just starred wide eyed at Remus as the man took a few tiny steps forward with a single perfect red rose clutched to his chest.

"Yes Harry. It was indeed me all these years."

"I… don't understand. Why?" Remus looked ashamed but still he looked into Harry's eyes.

"About what part? Why did I never tell you? Why do I know so much about you? Why did I never say anything to anyone… or why did I do this to you tonight?"

Harry shook his head, "All of it! How could you? I've been dying to know who my secret hero was all these years. Who was the one person that brought a tiny bit of light to my always dark world. Who was it that knew it would make me happy even though it was so small a gesture?" He felt somewhat angry and it was for reasons he wasn't eve quiet sure of.

"You knew how they treated me… you had to know. Those letters were so specific you _knew_ I was miserable there. You had to know and yet you never said a word of it to anyone! You just let it continue! You _watched_ me you would have had to Hermione and Ron didn't even know I sat under that tree at the Dursley's and yet… you never did a thing. And tonight! You think you can just give me a few roses and it will make all the terrible things you brought up of my past go away? I love you Remus and you just hurt me! I don't understand." His voice trailed off and became very small. He was shaking and crying and felt cold seep into his arms and neck.

Suddenly large warm arms were wrapped tightly around him and he knew he should be pushing Remus away. It would have made perfect sense after all the things he had just said… but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

He grabbed wads of Remus shirt as he cried into it miserably.

"I watched you the whole time you were with the Dursley's whenever I had the chance I had to make sure you were alright. I knew they treated you terribly Harry, and I tried to tell Dumbledore… but the blood wards were a necessary precaution and although they abused you, what Voldemort would have done would have been so much worse."

I watched you to make sure they didn't start physically abusing you. And honestly if I had told you before this would you have accepted it? Would you have had the time? I'm not going to put that one on you though… part of it was my own cowardice. I didn't know if you would just reject me and leave me broken and wishing."

"And Harry…" Remus placed delicate fingers under Harry chin so their eyes would meet again. "I said this all had a purpose. I think you already know what it is too." Harry clenched his teeth as a sob wanted to tear itself from his throat.

Remus sat down and pulled Harry down with him into his lap and held him tight. "I know you Harry. You worry and protect everyone before yourself. You held in all your grief and pain all these years because you knew there were more important things to worry about… but now… you have time. You needed this. You needed to go back and see all the things that have happened and accept them or grieve for them in a way you were never permitted to before. I knew that if you ever wanted to move on have a sane life and be truly happy you needed to accept.

They starred at each other for a long time. Finally, "I understand. I know you couldn't have changed Dumbledore's mind. I know it wasn't your fault." With a shaky hand he cupped Remus cheek and smiled just slightly. "Of course you're right you know, I did need this and I got the job done. I grieved and wished and forgave like hadn't done before. And now I feel light and happy… or at least like I _can_ be happy."

Remus gave Harry a slight smile back and rested his forehead against Harry's. "I have a question though Remus."

"And what is that Harry?"

Harry didn't say anything, instead he tilted his head slightly and slowly met Remus' lips with his own. The kneaded together slowly and surely for a long minute before both pulled away. "You have been waiting all these years to tell me you love me Remus. And, well I'm here now and I have always loved the man behind those roses… so my question is what are you going to do now?"

Harry looked expectantly at Remus with a small cocky smile playing on his lips. Remus' did the same as he leaned forward again and pecked Harry's soft lips. "I'm going to take you back to my flat, we are going to snog and talk until we fall asleep, and then when you wake up we will go get breakfast and just let things play out from there." Harry nodded with a bigger smile spreading across his face. "I have waited an excruciatingly long time for you to accept me and this… and now that you accept you are mine as I am yours Harry."

They smiled and kissed again before Remus stood up and pulled Harry up with him. They walked slowly out of the park, their fingers interlocked as they walked down the street. "Het Remus, does this mean I don't get roses anymore?"

Remus chuckled and shook his head. "There will always be roses for you Harry."

_**Not my best work but I enjoyed the concept and I thought you might at least appreciate that! Love to all who read and especially review!**_


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